Assorted Writings

- these are bits and pieces of emails sent to my friend. 

 - i find that lonliness is not unpleasant because i no longer assume that people do not like me or do not care for me (even if they did, how would i know? no one says anything to anyone's face anymore) i realize that i am that i'll never have a buddy follow me around, nor does it seem like i would be the buddy to follow someone around, it seems im not that kind of person. i realize too while others just need ppl around them or must talk to whoever they know, it seems like i am the opposite, usually i must push myself to talk and that gets tiresome. talking in groups can be fun sometimes yet cliques make me claustrophobic, my first reaction is to flee them like plague; maybe i have always wanted to be like others but i guess deep down i don't want to or else i would i have done it already, ....the only good thing is that i say this with weariness not anger, what can i do about it?

-i kno i am gushing but murakami was pretty awesome. i was not the traditional exhibit, very colorful, interesting. i think u would have liked it even though u don't like museums so much. i am going back probably this time armed w. a camera; i went to the Brooklyn central library too. it was here that i decided to admit that some places in Brooklyn are better than Queens/ Central library is such a place. it's beautiful and huge. when i first saw it i thought it was synagogue, in fact it was designed based on King Solomon's temple in the Old Testament, a testament to Brooklyn's Jewish community...
have u been to either of these two places before, the architecture made it worthwhile....i would ask u to come w. me again but we've been over this before/ plus, most the times we spend together are unplanned, unsolicited, like that day at chinatown, or brooklyn bridge park...shrugs

- people rarely talk about what really matters to them. it seems to be a human condition, maybe a way to hide from the pressing matters. i get the impression that people use to talk about what really mattered to them more often, like in the time of the Greeks maybe. or maybe humanity is just shallow by nature. i figured BTHS might be some meeting place for avatars but nope just humans. hardworking humans, but just humans...
- (Elizabeth) Plath wrote The Bell Jar (u'd find it disturbing). wrote poetry too. killed herself too. i was surprised. she did not seem the type from the protagonist she seemed to represent in Bell Jar. if she was more like the protagonist's friend i would not have been suprised (friend loves prot., prot. scorns her, prot. goes and loses her virginity, bleeds and bleeds, friend takes her to the hospital, friend hangs herself - to be honest i found it disturbing myself) all emo ppl seem the same...yet emo is a label, i don't like labels...
- Whitman was an avatar. he saw the good in everything. he relied on himself and nothing retricted everything. he wasn't afraid of himself. he wasn't afraid of anyone and saw God in everyone including himself. he could have anyone he wanted. he was fulfilled and not ashamed. he understood all things like the Buddha (i know about him from Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha) read Leaves of Grass if u can stomach it (or individual poems if it is too long)
-i don't know what to write my memoir on ...

- i am behind Obama now. i think he has a good  chance against McCain. i support him not because he's black, but more so because he was an average person who worked hard, went to U of Chicago, became a senator and might become president. it's historic. i thought the world had stagnated but it seems capable of some degree of change. heroes and avatars still exist out there. i put him up in my room alongside Whitman, and Tchaikovsky and others...
- i don't believe in the common man. i believe in what the common man can become.